Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
