I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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