Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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