He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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