I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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