I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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