I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
