Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
