Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize