So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
