wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
