No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We need to rekindle our bromance
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
