Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You were trust falling into bushes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
