Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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