Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
