Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
