Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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