If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
