i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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