I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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