Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
