1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The adults are the big ones right?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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