White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
