A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
