best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
