this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
