I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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