You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
