Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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