You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
