I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
