woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
