Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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