"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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