Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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