He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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