We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
