# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
