fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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