I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
