It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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