Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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