I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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