so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize