Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
