I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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