he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
