I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He kissed a someone with a penis
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
being pregnant is like rehab
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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