I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
