hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
