I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
