yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
