you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
