Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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