Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
