Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize