cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
