Define "chronic" masturbator.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
