That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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