Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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