Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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