Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
