a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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