that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
