my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
