carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
