you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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