Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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