I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
