Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
