I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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