I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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