Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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