and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
