I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
