he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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