Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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