woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
