Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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