On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Boobs speak an international language.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
