I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Found your dick twin last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
